Tuesday, 28 June 2016

Mothering Meltdowns on Mersea and After

I wrote half a post about how a dog barked at Bow and it's owner shouted at me and left me having a mothering meltdown on Mersea beach. (FYI it was, I made a topical Direwolf joke and everything!) I was going to try and put something halfway eloquent together for the second half about how Mum's instinct trumps everything in a Mum's mind and something about that slight madness is the sanest thing about being a human... Something like that... It sat in draft made for a week and a half. 

Then Thursday happened. I can't make this a political space but the fact is, like with the Direwolf on Mersea, you have kids and you just can't be casual about what you think anymore. It wasn't just another vote it was a vote that would destroy/save our children's future! It's not just a dog barking it was a rabid, wild, hound that was going to maul my baby! For me nothing's just what it is anymore... My future thoughts just got another 30-40 years further forward in to the future as I think, feel, believe, vote, fear and hope for them. 

Frankly there's nothing like children to focus you is there? And I spend a lot of time thinking about how it focuses me on me; who I am, how I conduct myself, my relationships with my family, what I do and put out in to the world. But the last 2-3 weeks (Orlando, Jo Cox, the referendum, those football fans... All of it) make me realise I really am looking forward past my timeline and out of my immediate environment now. 

And that's pretty cool. I know it doesn't mean I'm changing the world or shifting anything personally. But it does feel like a personal milestone in adulthood. That final confirmation that it is in fact not all about me. Now I can say very grown up things like "the news is great! Tells us what's going on in the world!" Probably to a dead-pan faced Euna or Bow who raises an eyebrow that says "this is no Mr Iggle Piggle..."

So whatever the weather, it's not just my weather. I'm a Mum so metaphorically and literally I'll be packing the sun cream and wellies and administering as required.

Here they are on West Mersea beach... Un-mauled and as blissfully ignorant to any troubles as any pair of preschoolers should be. Not your turn yet little loves, we got this. <3  

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Saturday, 4 June 2016

Baby Louie - Newborn Portraiture in Essex & Suffolk

When I was pregnant with Bow I used to sit and watch and watch and watch this video on YouTube... And cry. (I'm a crier.) Then I downloaded all the songs from for my birthing playlist (that I never listened to because you know... These plans and birth... etc) 

But this Cloud Culture song always takes me back to those days being pregnant with Bow. Euna climbing all over me, giving the bump head-butt kisses and me seemingly narcoleptic from pregnancy tiredness. That summer that I know felt so nauseatingly overwhelming back then but now with time is predictably romanced in to a montage of fuzzy, nappy-advert-esc inserts, where my hair is in some mythically perfect messy bun, Euna isn't licking snot of her top lip and I don't have four chins. 

You Were Born

Love your mother, yeah she's s good one. 
She'll build you armor; keep you warm as a hen. 
The stars may fall and the rains may pour, 
But I will love you evermore. 
You were born to make this right. 
You were born to chase the light. 
You were born... 

Little Louie... Taking me back... They're all just so precious aren't they? 

If you would like more information about my newborn photography, please see my website.

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